SMOSH - SUCKER PUNCH!
by Mag8889
Summary: Just read it. I wrote this because I'm having SMOSH mania and I'm punishing Ian for putting on weight! He'll have some experiences in this one!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
1. Chapter 1

SUCKER PUNCH

Ian was mad. Not only he failed to trust one of his friends but also and maybe the most importantly, the friend occurred to be unworthy in the end. Ian stayed quite mute for the rest of the day and thanks god it wasn't a filming day. The footage would come up as stiff and unnatural ass he felt right now. Or he would be close to killing someone on the set.

He felt so pissed off that he decided to go for an unplanned jogging. He had to flush away all guilt off himself but nothing he did that day seemed to work.

At night, when his girlfriend was asleep, he sat down to his computer sleepless and bored and started looking through fanfics. That was what he needed. A huge portion of kinky, unrealistic and dirty gay sex with him and Anthony as the main dish. Or a brilliant, amusing romance with some random girls they had seen for the first time ever in their life! Totally legit!

He kept on scrolling down a page with intense stare but emotionless face. Blue shades in his irises kept on melting altogether without a plan. What was he doing anyway? Reading that shit was not so much fun. Only few writers seemed to have some talent and an actual idea how to write a realistic scene. Most of these were kinda cute, but... He growled quietly and felt so exasperated, like a wave flooding him from the bottom to the top. He grabbed his jacket and rushed towards the door.

"I'm gonna get some fun tonight!" He mumbled while driving to a location that had to contain of fun and amusement. "I just hope Mel won't notice... That I'm being myself." He added and chuckled.

Ian arrived close to his destination but a sudden impulse told him to pull over. He found some grocery store parking and stopped there. He stretched his arms on the wheel and took a few breaths. Being in da club... Getting totally shitfaced... Probably being hit on by some girls. No one knows where I am. Not good.

"Dammit! Why did I have to get into discussion with that stupid cunt!" He shouted and punched a car seat. This was much too much for today. There was something definitely wrong going on in his mind. And Mel, and Anthony... Everybody he met today noticed that "Ian is a bit not himself today..."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck that shiiit!" He shouted into the emptiness of his car.

He stepped out abruptly onto the concrete. He has to get drunk! Now! He marched to the store. The glass door were almost in his range when Ian stopped suddenly. He opened his lips but shot them quickly. Anthony rolled out and Ian wanted to hide. But there was a very important detail going on there. There was like over six feet tall detail juggernaut who just pushed Anthony through the door. Ian stepped back, not knowing how to behave... Was he drunk already?

"Ian?!" Exclaimed Anthony and turned back immediately to stay focused on the dangerous man.

"So you have a problem with how I talk to ladies?" Asked the juggernaut with a deep voice and he meant more like it was a claim. He made a heavy step forward towards Anthony who stayed on his position.

Ian compulsively tried to complete his thoughts... So Kalel was here too?!

"What the...?" Muttered blue eyed friend looking slightly up to see big man's face fuzzy in the dim street lights.

"Hey, you! Shorty! You're his friend?!"

Ian wrinkled his forehead. Normally he would maybe flee and call the police, encouraged by Anthony's begging looks, but not tonight.

A few people gathered behind the door inside of the store. It was hard to estimate if they were there to help, stare or knew the juggernaut personally. Ian couldn't see Kalel anywhere close. How long before the cops arrive?  
Anthony's face was serious and pale, his jaw tensed, although his eyes gave Ian a chill of fear. This was something serious...

"I like to put meat in his mouth." Replied Ian casually and Anthony gave him an intensely baffled stare: Are you nuts or what?

Ian stepped forward and stood next to his stunned friend. The huge guy in front of them was a bit confused but held his emotions.

"Wiseguy, huh?" He replied finally and moved just an inch closer to Ian. Shorty did not retreat. He stood there giving the big man one of his cold stares. He remembered all the rage gathering in his brain all the day long... He felt almost animalistic urge to... "A gay wiseguy!" Added juggernaut and punched Ian into stomach. Out of the blue. Ian groaned and collapsed to the ground.

"Ian!" shouted some voice.

The world whirled and he felt very sick, altogether with losing his breath. Oh no, not the asthma... Not now! The pain was unbearable, penetrating his body like it just started its suffering trip.

He heard some loud voices again, a moan and a thud. Just when he managed to pull himself together, he saw Anthony curled up next to himself. His friend was holding his balls in total agony.

"Oh noooo..." Whined Ian and started coughing hysterically.

Anthony was in so much pain, not even a squeak could come out of his mouth. He kept on breathing rapidly while a few tears flew out of his squinted eyes.

"And your haircut sucks balls... of your friend's emo haircut!" Scoffed the big guy and laughed viciously, as if what he did was not a big deal. He just made fun of someone's hair...

But Ian didn't care. His crazy cough almost stole his breath and soon he started drifting away.

"Oh my god!" they both heard Kalel's voice a few seconds later. "Just keep it together guys! Help is on the way already!" She shouted anxiously, seeing how they both looked.


	2. Chapter 2

Kalel came closer to Anthony and tried to comfort him, but he was just paralyzed with pain. She had a huge problem how to help them both. Some people gathered around them, shouting things and discussing lively.

Ian started seriously losing his consciousness.

"Stay with me Ian!" "Don't touch him!" "Give him space to breath!"

It was nothing like in movies. It wasn't either easy to bare or nice... He could not understand why a stomach punch has such a serious consequences. However crazy it was, for a second he wished he was kicked in the balls instead. He remembered that pain. He could deal with it...

At the verge of absolute confusion and passing out, he heard some aggressive mumbling, a few people yelling and a familiar woman's scream. And then there was pain. Lots of pain.

***

"...and he should get better now."

Ian blinked rapidly. Opening glued eyelids was a challenge when sharp light became visible. Was this a freakin hospital? He took a deep breath and it went much smoother than last time he remembered. A glimpse was enough to recognize the room. It was his bed.

Suddenly, a few memories hit him with a force of a waterfall. There was a pain and suffocation, and then even more pain. He sighed embarrassed. He hoped that Anthony recovered after that horrible punch.

Ian moved slowly all of his body parts and made sure there are no serious injuries. It appeared that his stomach is a bit sore but balls seemed okay. Thanks god! An infinite moment passed by on staring into the celling, when his girlfriend entered the bedroom. He stretched his arms to get up but she persuaded him to rest, as doctor said.

"I'm so sorry man..." Said Anthony weakly. His friend could see that Anthony is still having some trouble with walking. Aggressive juggernaut had not spared any force for that punch.

"I was an idiot. Don't say you are one! I should've called the police instead of playing a smartass!" Ian chewed on some healthy seeds standing on a kitchen table. He had no idea what it was but it tasted good enough. It was some organic shit Kalel bought.

"No..." Anthony leaned forward, groaned quietly and leaned back. His balls still needed to recover.  
"Take it easy man. You could..." Said Ian with concern.

"I mean..." Started Anthony again, cutting his friend. "I should've ignored that guy and just grab Kalel and go out quick... You probably saved my life!" He looked back, making sure Kalel isn't anywhere close. "This guy is wanted in three states! He had to split between two of us! You distracted him! I'm freakin lucky to be alive!"

"So... It's real... We've stumbled upon a guy who actually..." Ian swallowed, not really looking like he could make jokes of it.

Anthony rolled his eyes. "I dunno! They didn't tell me everything. He's suspected of some crimes and... Well, police should ask you too soon. You avoided a doubtful pleasure of being interrogated with sore balls, because you passed out!"

"Because I know the best when to lose consciousness!" Ian stuck out his tongue. "Yo!"

"If that makes you feel better."

"No, actually it felt like I was going to die." Ian looked down. "And like my stomach imploded and my balls exploded... I don't wanna come back to this! I knew movies don't show this realistically..."

"Human bodies are not covered with kevlar. Especially my balls!"

"That would be a certain disadvantage about you." Replied Kalel, entering the kitchen area. "Here, guys. Let's drink for arresting that bastard who wanted to hit on me and for your fast recovery!"  
"We just can't stop rapping." Smiled Ian.

Anthony and Kalel burst with almost hysterical laugh that had more to do with their fresh memory of trauma than a real happiness. They all took deep gulps of a strange liquid she brought and Ian tasted some buzz in it. He still hadn't had his alcohol night.

He felt tension crawling back into his mind. The criminal encounter was just a superficial incident, even with these huge consequences; Ian's anger seemed to be present somewhere, hidden in his mind. Maybe that had been a lesson but he couldn't forget about more personal aggravations.  
He felt like a headache kicking in so he decided to have a walk and expose himself to looks of more suspicious neighbors...

"I gotta go guys. I have to chill out..."

"I understand." Said Anthony and gave his friend a look that only them both could comprehend.


	3. Chapter 3

Ian spent another hour on tensed waiting for the police to give him a call, like it had to happen exactly today. He still didn't feel well enough and supported by most of the fans, who actually freaked out so much over the top, that the best friends decided to take a break for a few days.

The best part was that they had not so honorable appearance in local news... Lying unconscious on a pavement was not Ian's favorite pastime to be showing off but somehow they couldn't pray for any better fanbase reactivation. But now... He just wanted to forget about this whole mess.. and fucking stress. Twitter and Facebook flooded, had crushed probably again today... Fuck that! That was Anthony's thing more anyways!

Mel was out, pretty busy and he had explained her that he's going to be alright and she can always give him a call... And she called but after that she got REALLY busy with her own projects, she just disappeared and now he couldn't reach her on the phone... Even better!

The night was closing in and Ian had something nice kept in the fridge. He needed just a few minutes to chillout... He set some music to play in the background and after about an hour and still holding a bottle (second bottle) in his shaky hand, he forgot what kind of music was playing. The first bottle was supposedly wine but now, while getting up from a chair, Ian also forgot what the other liquor was. He gave the bottle a look with his darkened eyes and the edges of everything around were sooo...

"Blurrrrrrrry..." He mumbled dreamy and took another sip. No time for fucking glasses! "And fuck you! If police calls, say I'm... I'm hunting monsters!" He pointed into his cell phone lying on the table. Poor mobile remained quiet, in fear of his owner's anger.

However, Ian's mind was lazily becoming empty. He strolled around the house with a stupid smile on his face, waving the bottle and enjoying a light state of not giving a fuck about anything!

Suddenly he took a longer step and jumped with a grin, catching some air. His landing foot slipped and he was really happy until the bottle hit the floor and him as well, in the same time. There was a thud but it didn't hurt...

"Shit!" Ian tried to get up in a clumsiest way possible. His struggle was awful, walking in socks on polished floor... He finally reached and grabbed a sofa.

"Woah!" He shouted when world tilted without a warning.

There was broken glass somewhere on the floor... Mel will be angry!

"Shiit..." Ian supported himself on the cushions and sat down faintly. "Man! I'm screeeewed!" He waved his head to the side and his head felt even more heavy... "I'm so shitfaced..."

He wanted to put hand on his forehead when an odd feeling came upon his thigh. He took another weak glimpse and saw blood dripping down off his...

Melanie was furious, like rarely ever... Absolutely awful hangover was doing fine. The drip could not fight it... Ian kept his mouth shut, not being able to make a joke about this... annoyance cause by himself. This time it was a hospital bed. Thanks god not for long... However, Anthony's deadly stare (second on the list right after Melanie's) gave him a lot of material to think of.

"So... You are sure you weren't planning a suicide?" She asked just like that.

He took a breath and answered again. "No, I told you, it was an accident! Stupid, moronic accident, okay?! I'm not proud of myself!"

"You could've died!"

"I know!" He turned to the side, tired with this interrogation. Mel and Anthony were relentless. After just another question, Ian held in these words, but finally it exploded: "Well, it's better that it happened at home, not like I was driving drunk across the highway! I'm really stressed out! Leave me alone!" He shouted angrily facing a wall.

"But Ian... What's going on?"

"Leave me alone, both of you! Damn Spanish inquisition!"

He grumbled quietly as headache punished him. He quickly fell asleep squinting, trying to fight the fatigue. It was his problem... He should not involve them... He has to confront his ex-friend finally!

Man and woman standing next to his bed, nodded their heads to each other in silence and left quietly.


End file.
